Adopting An Attitude

Hgjfhyrnvjdkky
Hfdjdurrnvkdhi
Hjdretfhghbvhjrhg

Those are the letters spelled out when you whack your forehead against your keyboard in frustration.

Fhgeyrvfbjkfbjvjhergejdksla;a’LSAKDJDHjdgfgfhfdkjsl

……..Is what is spelled out when you whack your forehead against the keyboard and then roll it from side to side in the hope that when you have stopped, you’ll either have drawn blood, the world will be a better place or you will have brain damaged yourself to the point where it seems quite acceptable that a story about a pop star adopting a child is getting so much media coverage.

And what media coverage it is. You can see the editors of TV programmes and newspapers furiously wanking with demented pleasure as they bark orders into phones, the receivers of which are getting heavier with spittle by the syllable. Let’s get photographers, hundreds of them, to get a picture of the kid. Let’s jam cameras in his face, let’s stake out the pop stars home. Let’s have pictures, let’s have ‘experts’, let’s have comment and analysis because if we have enough sound and fury, the stupid of the world will not notice there is no news.

The media is furious. Pop stars should know their place and that place is to be aloof and glittery. As for African children, they should know their place too - which is to stare out of pictures with those big eyes, starving to death. They should not be whisked through airports after travelling first class.

Probably, Madonna just wants another child because she wants to ensure she can continue to use the mother and baby car-parking space in her local supermarket. Certainly, judging by the sort of people that actually use them, adopting a kid for this purpose would fit right into their normal behaviour pattern.

Personally I don’t give a shit about these baby and mother car parking spaces - if you want to bring your kid to the supermarket, fine, but don’t expect special treatment. Just because you got pissed on cheap vino a few years ago and had unprotected sex with some desperate horny fuckwit does not give you the right to park closer to the supermarket than me.

Or maybe it does.

I’ll make a deal. If your progeny behaves in the store you can park where you like. That’s no shouting, screaming, running or snatching stuff off shelves.

Too much to ask? Thought so.

I have no problem with people snatching kids from African countries. Really, what was the future for that kid? Did it involve a privileged and monied upbringing and a private school education? Possibly not. Civil war and AIDS? Almost certainly.

I don’t have a problem with this at all. In fact the way to do it is to get a Range- Rover, ram-raid the orphanage and scoop up a whole lot of kids, then drive non-stop across Africa and Europe to offer these kids something better.

Obviously there would have to be a couple of stops on the way to sell a few of the kids to shoe and textile manufacturers (for slave labour) to offset the expenses, but as these products are bought in such numbers in the west there’d be no moral objection. I mean, have you seen the MPG on a Range Rover????