Scary People

Andy and I went to the movies last night. Batman Begins (it was pretty good).
The theatre was busy, and sitting next to me was a middle aged woman on her own. I don't know how long she thought the film was going to be, but she was loaded up with food and drink for the long haul.

Right before the film was about to start she leaned over to me and asked if I'd like a cup of coffee (she has a thermos the size of a small African nation in her bag). Odd. The conversation went as follows.....

ODD WOMAN: Would you like some coffee dear?
ME (Somewhat startled): Umm...no, thanks.
ODD WOMAN: Are you sure?
ME: Pretty sure, yes.
ODD WOMAN (Holding her thermos aloft, trophy-like): I always bring coffee with me when I come to watch a film.
ME: Oh...Ummm...That's errrr nice
ODD WOMAN: Oh yes. I hate the coffee they serve here. (she pulls a face at this point) But I have to bring coffee with me. It helps keep me awake. I sleep alot.
ME: Really....ok
ODD WOMAN: Are you sure I can't tempt you? (And here's the killer......) It's DECAF.

I didn't have the heart to tell her.

Pet Peeves # 1

"BABY ON BOARD"

The only time I need to know this is if you're letting the baby DRIVE THE CAR!

We'll repaint the lounge....it won't take long....

Oh really...you think?

Friday: The old paper has to come off the walls. I knew it would be messy so decided to move out as much of EVERYTHING as I could. WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH CRAP????? Oh yeah, and the study is alot smaller than the lounge, so what posessed me to think I could fit everything in there? OK OK, so not everything can be moved. I'll just shove it into the middle of the room and cover it, that'll work. Half an hour later and TADAAAA!!!!.....my very own European upholstery mountain!

The old paper has been up there since before my time, and must have been stuck to the walls with some kind of industrial adhesive. It's the hottest day of the year so far and I'm up a ladder with a sponge and a bucket of water, and wishing I had been the victim of a hurricane....or a drive-by-shooting.....or ANYTHING just so that I could have Ty Pennington et al busily rebuilding my house while I lounge on a beach in Tahiti! But no, no Tahiti for me; however I did get to visit Grand Canyon. Yes I did...it's right there in the corner of my lounge, just above the window lurking under the old paper.....

Okey dokey ...new wallpaper it is then!

So off we go. We ummm and we awwww.....we deliberate and cogetate and FINALLY we decide. Except it won't go with the carpet.....or the curtains. 30minutes later it'll go with the NEW carpet and curtains......and the lamp.....and the cushions....and oh, wouldn't that plant look great on the new TV cabinet?

Saturday: It's time. The lengths of wallpaper for top and bottom are measured and cut (border to be added with a flourish at the end). Andy will tackle the top, and I'll do the bottom. Better give him a head start though or he'll be wafting slimy wet wallpaper over the top of my head. Half an hour later my first piece of beautiful latte-coloured paper is up, and it looks.....well quite frankly it looks narrower than the paper at the top! It can't be, can it?

Add 1 more hour and we're back with the NEW new wallpaper. It fits. OK, now we're cooking. We're around the room in record time. (No, please don't ask about the light fittings or the widows...just don't ok?) Lookin' pretty good!

Sunday: Eauropean upholstery mountain...the sequel. It's no good, we've got to move it. There's no way we can take up the old carpet and put down the new one without doing it, so an hour later the bathrooom is also full and I hope to god no one needs to pee any time soon!
Now, giving my husband a carpet knife is like giving a Chimpanzee a shotgun...........lethal. And this time was no exception. Never mind though....we only had to go out and buy 1 plant to cover the obvious mistake.

Now everything is back in the room and it looks great.
The point of all the decorating was to make the house more attractive for sale.....The only problem now is that it's starting to look SO good that I don't want to move!