Things I say to my dog

…..and what she actually hears.

In the Bedroom.
What I say: “Chloe, settle down.” (Which means lay on the floor)
What Chloe hears: “Chloe…get up on the bed, turn around three times and ‘starfish’.”

On returning from a walk in the rain.
What I say: “Chloe, Stay!”
What Chloe hears: “Chloe…proceed directly to the cream-coloured hallway and shake off all the dirt from your coat.”

On a hot sunny day.
What I say: “Chloe, come on in out of the sun”.
What Chloe hears: “Chloe…stay out there and cook in the heat for another hour. And then hey, why don’t you come on up to the house and hurl on the carpet!”.

Instructions for toys to be put away
What I say: “Chloe…put it away”. (honestly, she can do this.)
What Chloe hears: “Chloe…go put it half way up the stairs so that I’ll break my neck on it at 2 in the morning”.

On eating her dinner
What I say: “Chloe…slowly!”
What Chloe hears: “Gobble it up fast, and if you hurl, we’ll give you more!”

On receiving a treat
What I say: “Chloe…gently”.
What Chloe hears: “Chloe….eat my hand!!”

To be continued………