Dog Owners
There are three types of dog owner.
The first type is the true dog lover. A true dog lover will have a gundog, or at least a large dog, a breed that is noble, right, true and godly. Such a dog will be up at dawn, spend the day chin-deep in fen, bracken, bog or field retrieving the remains of the fowl blasted out of the sky by his master and still have the energy to lie in front of a fire all evening and, as occasion demands, be blamed for the strange smells emanating from any older relatives.
The second type is the "I want people to think I'm a dog lover, but actually big dogs scare the bejesus out of me". These will have a terrier. Wire-haired or smooth it is principally a rat-catcher with character. Cats are all very well for mice or making the house smell of mad old women but when it comes to country-rats, that have grown to huge proportions eating the oats from the barn and the occasional unlucky sheep, you need something that knows no fear and very little sense. A terrier.
Finally you have your air-head heiress / pop-princesses. I’m not sure what breed exactly it is that she has but, I think they take all of the hair they’ve removed from her pee-pee place and stick it around a yapping noise to make them.
Even this last variety of owner is better than the sort of people who don’t own dogs but rather just have them, the same way they have a crappy little car with a crappy body-kit and a shocking sound-system in it. Like their ill-spelled tats, they believe that getting a certain kind of dog will make them look hard. For these people (oh, and drug dealers) the animal of choice is the pit-bull terrier. This is because it does make people cross the street to avoid it and this is because it’s well known that the only way to stop a pit-bull is to hit it with something heavy - preferably the 8:20 from Paddington.
You can tell a lot about a dog by its arse.
Gundogs have an arse usually covered in mud, gorse and a wagging tail.
Terriers have a puckered little arse to ensure no water or anything gets up there.
Pubewawahs (or whatever they're called) usually have an arse pointed down into a handbag and about to do something catastrophic as a result of their owner putting them on the Atkins.
Pit-bulls have their arsehole on the end of their leash - or usually not, usually they're strutting alongside.
The first type is the true dog lover. A true dog lover will have a gundog, or at least a large dog, a breed that is noble, right, true and godly. Such a dog will be up at dawn, spend the day chin-deep in fen, bracken, bog or field retrieving the remains of the fowl blasted out of the sky by his master and still have the energy to lie in front of a fire all evening and, as occasion demands, be blamed for the strange smells emanating from any older relatives.
The second type is the "I want people to think I'm a dog lover, but actually big dogs scare the bejesus out of me". These will have a terrier. Wire-haired or smooth it is principally a rat-catcher with character. Cats are all very well for mice or making the house smell of mad old women but when it comes to country-rats, that have grown to huge proportions eating the oats from the barn and the occasional unlucky sheep, you need something that knows no fear and very little sense. A terrier.
Finally you have your air-head heiress / pop-princesses. I’m not sure what breed exactly it is that she has but, I think they take all of the hair they’ve removed from her pee-pee place and stick it around a yapping noise to make them.
Even this last variety of owner is better than the sort of people who don’t own dogs but rather just have them, the same way they have a crappy little car with a crappy body-kit and a shocking sound-system in it. Like their ill-spelled tats, they believe that getting a certain kind of dog will make them look hard. For these people (oh, and drug dealers) the animal of choice is the pit-bull terrier. This is because it does make people cross the street to avoid it and this is because it’s well known that the only way to stop a pit-bull is to hit it with something heavy - preferably the 8:20 from Paddington.
You can tell a lot about a dog by its arse.
Gundogs have an arse usually covered in mud, gorse and a wagging tail.
Terriers have a puckered little arse to ensure no water or anything gets up there.
Pubewawahs (or whatever they're called) usually have an arse pointed down into a handbag and about to do something catastrophic as a result of their owner putting them on the Atkins.
Pit-bulls have their arsehole on the end of their leash - or usually not, usually they're strutting alongside.
posted by Viv at 1:09 PM
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